John Farley’s MisInformation Desk

“Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.” - Albert Einstein

Posted on December 6th, 2007 by John Farley
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I’m not a poet, but I sent a couple of hacky poems to a local, DIY literary magazine that shall remain nameless. I wrote the pieces as part of a writing assignment, so I shouldn’t have taken them seriously. The response was curt, but not necessarily rude. It was simply “I’m not quite sure when the sun and the moon were lovers? Please try again.” (Notice the statement followed by a question mark.)

My initial feeling was an almost irrepressible urge to smash the computer monitor. That was probably the editor’s sentiment after reading my drivel. Within a few minutes I recalled the advice given by just about every accomplished writer, performer, entertainer, and other self-made individuals. Each of them has said, in one form or another, that rejection will come, and you need to be able to shrug it off. If you’re going to put yourself out there, you need to be a thick-skinned, sure-footed, nimble member of the great ape family. I still feel like an ass, though.

It’s events such as this that make me reconsider my career choices. I’m thankful that I have not yet quit my day job, and I wonder if my current occupation is the best I can accomplish. Have I peaked? Is this long plateau that stretches into the horizon all that is available to me? Or am I simply at base camp awaiting the opportunity to continue to the summit? I wonder if I’m just jerking off.

Regardless, for your amusement I’ve posted below the poems that received the rejection letter in question. Was it deserved? Yeah, most likely.

In Defense of Night

When the Sun and the Moon were lovers,
The whole of the world was illuminated.
A treacherous swine called Night stole the Moon away,
And cast half of the world into darkness.

Most people of the world hated it,
And chose rather to sleep.
The audacious danced around fires
And called each star by name.

This Town Used to Swing

Way up in Harlem,
125th and Lex.
Stranded at the station.

Three young boys
Blow wild and fierce,
A frenzy of subterranean joy.

Homemade drums, a penny trombone,
Trumpeter of all colors,
Ecstatic.

The city is a ghost.

Posted on November 28th, 2007 by John Farley
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Of course, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. PetroChina took the honor from ExxonMobil by having a value of over $1 trillion. Yes, economically, as a planet, we have broken the trillion dollar mark. The two companies in the running for “World’s Biggest Company” were oil companies. For years, we have heard the companies bemoan their lot, their lack of resources, their lack of profit. No wonder the world is currently at war over oil. No wonder that corporations are reluctant to develop alternative sources. Everyone wants a piece of that action, and who can blame them?

The fact that the world is coming to an end over oil and consumption is the dumbest thing imaginable. We are a stupid species and deserve everything that is coming to us.

Posted on November 5th, 2007 by John Farley
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I’m reading George Orwell’s 1984 right now, and I think it will be listed in my “Books That Really Fucked Me Up” list. To date, the books on the list include (in no particular order) Jack Kerouac’s On the Road, Tom Robbins’ Another Roadside Attraction, Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha, William Burroughs’ Naked Lunch, The Bhagavad Gita, and, most recently, Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle. These books represent the shaping of my philosophical and creative personality. Each, in it’s own way, resonates the theme of spiritual exploration and discovery, but in uniquely creative ways.

Posted on November 1st, 2007 by John Farley
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It’s happening. It’s happening now. For days or weeks I have been prodding a growing sense of dissatisfaction. I have been jogging my mind to find the source or cause of this dissatisfaction. It occurs to me now that my dissatisfaction comes from the trivial, the fleeting, the meaningless, and the superficial. Most recently, I have become disgusted by some of my most enjoyable recreations: drinking, drugs, pornography. Drinking and pornography are, by far, the most surprising.

Up until a week ago, my drinking would begin Thursday night and continue unabated until Sunday morning. I’ve noticed, though, that the last few episodes of debauchery have left me with overwhelming feelings of regret the next day. It seems that my usual compassion for humanity is replaced with contempt when I am drunk. It’s true that I can be a jolly old elf with friends or people of similar ilk. When I am around people whose auras seem to rub me the wrong way, this makes me very ugly.

A few days ago, I got drunk and found myself playing pool with a couple of supreme douche bags. I made an off-hand comment that implied that my opponent’s dead mother indulged in wanton acts of fellatio. Needless to say, this did not go over well. I’ve regretted the whole situation since, not because I felt the comment was unwarranted. Believe me when I say that he deserved every bit of my abuse, but I do not think that this Mr. Hyde is really me. Or perhaps it is, and the bleeding heart pseudo-intellectual that I’ve portrayed over the years is merely a carefully constructed mask for a cynical, abusive malcontent. Right now, everything is called into doubt.

I am also tired of the blackouts. Too many moments in time are now completely lost as if repressed by my memory.

I no longer feel fulfilled by inebriation. In fact, I feel quite the opposite. I feel as though I am poking holes in my soul. I need to find my center again; I need to wake my spirit. I think I need to shift my focus from getting fucked up to ruffling some conservative feathers. I’m always happier when I’m rebelling against something. But is it pathetic to still be rebellious and contradictory at 30? Jesus did his best and most controversial work between 30 and 33. Martin Luther King started making waves in his 30s. Perhaps rebellion and change is wasted on the young.

Posted on October 31st, 2007 by John Farley
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To anyone paying attention, it should be obvious that the current political system in America is failing. The two primary parties are superficially divided, meaning, on the surface they appear to be diametrically opposed, often out of spite rather than logic. When one digs deeper into the thought processes of the average statesman, we find that all of them are identical, their only difference coming from the states they represent. In the end, we are dealing with professional politicians following the old formula of governance: rhetoric first, leadership second or third.

I am proposing the formation of a new political party; one that seeks to destroy itself once it is in power. We will call this new party the “Radical Freedom Party.” Radical Freedom is based on the crucial fact that humans do not need to be lead; that leaders are, by design, corrupt and ineffectual.

We are espousing a form of anarchy, but not anarchy based on chaos and violence; quite the opposite. Our constituents are their own leaders who innately understand the morals and ethics required for society to function without conflict. We know a priori how to live in a community, that our freedom ends where someone else’s begins. We no longer require a written code subject to interpretation or alteration to benefit a select minority. All laws are null and void.

Personal responsibility and intuition will be the guiding forces of the new system. We will be proponents of a strict “At Your Own Risk” policy. All activities may be engaged in “at your own risk.” Remember the “pursuit of happiness”? From drug use to prostitution to overeating, everything is viable when done to yourself, when you accept the consequences.

Rather than living in a lawless society, we maintain that we can live peacefully without laws. Conflict can be settled with compassion and understanding, with discussion, or for kicks, through feats of strength and endurance. The point is that conflict will be settled by the parties involved, not a hired collection of pawns.

To be continued…

Posted on October 23rd, 2007 by John Farley
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Here are a few of the emails I have sent to individuals and companies looking for writers. This will give you a clear idea of how not to go about finding a job. I post these only to expose what an ass I am. Take note of the spelling and grammatical errors. Nothing says “hack” like mistakes in your query letter. There is no wonder why I can’t find a writing job.

1.
Hi,

Your post on Craig’s List intrigued me. I have been writing for the past 20 years on a diverse variety of subjects, and I think I can offer you the words and insight you are seeking. Please take a look at the following piece I wrote yesterday for a contest. It may resonate in some way with your own experience. The concept of the contest is that the write needed to compose a story or poem based on a picture. The catch is that there was a time limit of 15 minutes. The time limit doesn’t allow time for editing, but I think this piece gets across the idea that I am able to put myself into someone else’s shoes and convey their story. The prompt image for this piece was an elderly, bearded, Middle Eastern man with a piercing gaze. Please let me know if you would be interested in discussing the project further.

Best regards,
John Farley

The Bearded Man
I’ve gotten that look before from the men of the village, the look that announces the delivery of a vicious beating. The beating is for leaving my home without my husband and without my burka. They claim that the violence is justified under Shari’ah, that it will bring me closer to G-d, and that I should fear Him. But I do not fear G-d, and I do not fear the men of this village.

I know many women who live in fear. They have never felt the whip against their flesh. They have never felt a fist against their chins. But they have never tasted, even if for a moment, the ineffable sensation of unbridled expression. They have never experienced the freedom that the men of this village enjoy every day. I have, and it is worth every thrash, every wound, and every scar. I am not happy when they beat me, but I was not happy behind my burka, behind my husband, behind my fear. At least now I experience brief moments of freedom, and in those moments I am happy.

2.
Editor’s note: The title of the ad for which this was a reply was “Young? Mad as Hell?”

To whom it may concern,

I am a young, nihilistic, non-violent anarchist hell-bent on tearing down our primitive patriarchal ideologies for no other reason than boredom. I have started a blog where I have begun to express these radical points of view. You can view it here: www.misinformationdesk.com. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns.

Best regards,
John Farley
Angry white heterosexual male oppressor.

Read more…

Posted on October 23rd, 2007 by John Farley
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This is a message I just sent, via Congress.org, to GW and other Representatives regarding Rep. Pete Stark’s statements. For those who haven’t heard, Rep. Stark stated on the record that troops are being sent to Iraq to “get their heads blown off for the president’s amusement.” The following is my reply.

George Bush loves death. Look at his record for capital punishment while he was Governor of Texas: http://www.texecutions.com/texecuted.html. He claims to be a proponent of the Culture of Life, but his actions speak volumes against his words. It is about time someone in office called him out for what he is: an Angel of Death. True, Rep. Stark’s words may have been lacking the tact that we expect from our representatives, but his words echo the desperation and frustration many of us are feeling in this country. I hope that the rest of our legislature is taking a cue from Pete Stark and is preparing their own barbed, poignant statements.

Violence is failure!

Sincerely,
John Farley

Posted on October 23rd, 2007 by John Farley
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The fact that the philosophy of non-violence is a form of civil disobedience should reduce the intelligent human to tears. The fact that it doesn’t frightens me. Non-violence should be the status quo. It should be the bar, the standard on which the character of a society is founded. Rather, it is a fringe notion carrying with it the stigma of weakness, and at it’s extreme, psychosis.

Civil disobedience has become so far removed from this society that no one knows how to go about it. It’s true that we have witnessed a sharp increase in protests both domestically and worldwide, but the fact of the matter is that protests do not work. Protests lack the fundamental quality of disruption. They are planned for months with the help of local authorities to ensure that everything runs smoothly. A protest is a pageant, a parade. It is not undermining anything, it is simply another form of entertainment for the mass media to showcase. The goal of a protest is to send a strong statement to the offending authority, but the authority in question views a protest as nothing but a group of misguided liberals out for a walk on a sunny day.


For me, civil disobedience conjures romanticized images of a young student standing in front of a tank in Tiananmen Square, or a group of young blacks sitting steadfast in an all-white coffee shop. These are simple actions that have profound effects on the course of history.

Read more…

Posted on October 17th, 2007 by John Farley
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I just got word that The Dalai Lama and George Bush had a little pow-wow yesterday. The one living person I admire most meeting with one of the few people I admire least, I’m not sure how I am supposed to feel. I imagine that the Lama had met our fair leader with words of wisdom and peace and true human insight. Likewise, I imagine that these words fell on deaf, or at the very least, dumb, ears. But W did present the Lama with the Congressional Gold Medal, a mere booby prize when compared with the Nobel Peace prize His Holiness has previously received.

It should come as no surprise, though, that China was up in arms when they discovered that our leaders were meeting with the Lama. Just as lucrative trade talks between our nations were beginning to open up, His Holiness has to find his way into our capitol. “Oh, what tales of horror and woe would that treasonous Lama bestow upon your nation’s leaders? All shameful lies!” retorts the Chinaman in the streets. Or as CNN reports,

“The words and deeds of the Dalai Lama in the past decades show he is a political refugee engaging in secessionist activities under the cloak of religion,” he said.

Zhang Quingli, the Communist Party secretary of Tibet, was more forceful in his criticism of the Dalai Lama, who has been based in India since fleeing his homeland in 1959. “He is a person who has tried to split the motherland, who lacks love for his home country,” he told reporters in Beijing.

The Dalai Lama, who won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989, has said he advocates autonomy for Tibet, and is not calling for it to be a separate country.

Last month, the chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel, met the Dalai Lama, in Berlin.

Last week, China announced that, for technical reasons, it was canceling a planned meeting on human rights with German officials.

Hmmm. The status quo remains intact. My only question is, where is China’s Nobel Peace Prize?

Posted on October 17th, 2007 by John Farley
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